Lost in Translation – The Sequel – More Lost, More Translation

You have all lost the plot haven’t you?! Not just the Australians bantering with the lingo but the Americans and the Canadians. And everyone doing very well.

Considering some of the words I had to have explained (curse you East Coast exclusivity) I am sure the Bradster and many people reading this are confused beyond words.

So without further ado…. the translation (and isn’t that hysterical? A blog where you have to decipher the comments… I’ve arrived!!! )

So we’ve heard from Bazza Brown to which Turps Thompson replied ( he would never be called Turps in Australia, he would be called Thommo. I loathe the way Australians call people a nickname by either adding an O or a Y on the end of a name. Somehow people think this is clever as opposed to really lazy thinking. I tend to call people Dostoyevsky or Tchaikovsky as a preferable nickname, if I must. It adds gravitas and has consideration. It also pretty much outs me the moment I do it but it makes me happy. Thommo lacks decorum. God I go off on tangents.. ) His reply, again with the definition in italics:

I am elated or Ace! (An exclamation of happiness) I understood all but 2 references in BB’s aka KB’s Ozzie rant. (That’s interesting, Wesley. What ones didn’t you know? I suspect regional differences at play.)

My time in the land of downunder (Australia, naturally. There are songs about this now, you would have heard them ad nauseam when Australia won the America’s Cup for the first time ever. Then lost it the next year. Go, Aussie, go! ) has paid off. While not a fan of aerial pingpong footie (AFL, mentioned yesterday. The game of Australia. Also not an expression I know so probably Eastern coast. Thus named as the football is kicked long and high across the oval, repeatedly going from one goal end to the other), and I don’t have a missus (a wife) or ankle biter (a baby or child), I do like the blokes on the field. (I am a screaming homosexual) Hint hint hint.. (This is redundant. No hints are necessary. It is world-renowned. There are books written on Wesley’s homosexuality – Tell everyone I swoon at you, will you….?? )

Last year, I interviewed with an ocker (an Australian) who was a banana bender ( A person from Queensland, one of the 6 states and 2 territories  of Australia. Thus named as Queensland grows bananas??? Or they have the Big Banana? KB??) for a traveling GP position. He was a blodger (bludger, actually but by this time his Wesley’s use of the language has been flawless so we let him off spelling. A bludger is someone who is slack and / or unemployed) but sis says that’s typical. Most banana benders are not a full quid (are stupid) and I couldn’t make a quid doing it anyway. (I would be financially disadvantaged by taking this offer) I shoulda told him to rack off! (Go away. F… off!) I didn’t care – my grundies weren’t bunched. (An Australian equivalent (and one I hadn’t heard ) of my knickers are  in a knot. I was unconcerned.)

Oh dear Nigel, now I am Jonsesing (Now I am translating American dialect for the Australian readers – what a multicultural job this is. Aching for desperately, like an addict needs a fix) for a trip to Oz. Presh bud (precious buddy)……we are off the chain! (out of control, wildly funny) And yes, that a bit of East coast USA slang. Want more? (yes please.)

This was actually a revelation as many of the words Wesley had used I had not heard of. In this case it was because his experience had all been on the East Coast, notably Sydney, former home of KB and, thus,  how she knew the words he was using. Much like each of the US states has dialect and word differences, clearly so too does Australia. I didn’t realise how much until these posts. Also bear in mind, people REALLY do not speak like this here. The occasional word or two ( and more as you get more into the countryside) but if someone came up with the barrage of colloquialisms everyone came up with yesterday, they would be taken into a mental health facility and forced to watch Merchant Ivory films.

I reply to Wesley who comes back with this retort which I must admit I only knew one of the words:

You’re skiting (I did not know this expression. The East Coast dialect is at full play here. It means boasting, evidently) figjam. (F… I’m Good Just Ask Me. If you’re wondering what the F word stands for, worry not. Bazza Those-Years-In-Refining-School-Were-Not-Wasted Brown will spell it out for you in the next comment)

And yes, I meant bludger and yes you are right on the other two. I am a well travelled seppo. (Another word I have never heard of. pinching mercilessly from KB – Seppo is a very shortened term of endearment for an American i.e Seppo- Septic Tank-Yank )Probably east coast as everything I learned was from NSW. (Ya think?)

And no, last time I was there, my Southern drawl had men AND women buying me all I could drink. (There are books written about this too. Also blowhard, that’s all I’m saying ) And I ain’t a 2 pot screamer! ( A pot is a type of glass here; again a term from the East. A 2 pot screamer is someone who can not hold his or her drink.) As you know. (I do know this. There is an Encyclopedia range written about our drinking. Neither of us are 2 pot screamers.)

To which, Bazza Brown returns, high on life as holiday’s have begun for her and says (For the most part, further explanation isn’t required here):

Firstly let me apologise to Brad, It was all very tongue in cheek.I had just got home from work and was in an elated state as I was officially on holidays ( see. I told you. ), and couldn’t help myself! and now for other explanations…….”hangin on the hill” is that space at every cricket oval where the yobbos go, oops sorry where the beer swilling- screaming obscenities-drunks decide they will watch the match, because they can’t afford the cost of a seated ticket and being as the area is raised(hence the hill) they get a better view. (This is true. Around every cricket oval is an expanse of raised grass. You sit in the elements and watch cricket which sounds to me like torture but many people seem to enjoy it. ) Sorry Brad.
Now as for you Nigel, I guess I have to give you latitude due to your Albion heritage but skiting, you don’t know what a skite is???? (See. Now I am being lambasted in my own blog.) Its someone who tells you how good they are. FIGJAM is an acronym Fuck I’m Good Just Ask Me (There you go. Answer solved on my G rated blog You didn’t need to wait long, did you? Bless her.) Seppo is a very shortened term of endearment for an American i.e Seppo- Septic Tank-Yank. Not the full quid means (as my mother would say) affected or slightly less than” normal”. The football I was referring to was Rugby League (Rugby league – a much better game than AFL. The players have magnificent thighs and bums), NOT aerial pingpong, remember I AM an east coast gal. JW dont be threatening us with a visit down under if you don’t mean it , that’s just plain mean!! Nigel will tell you how well I can swoon at certain males (This is not true. She giggles like a schoolgirl),and even without hearing you talk,  would love to buy you a drink…Its my shout mate x (I will buy you the first round of drinks. See the encyclopedia above)

Then some more banter from Mr Wesley

KB, thank you my dear for setting Mr. Vanstone straight. I knew I had heard those terms. He was being a bloody bunyap (he actually means bunyip. The word is stupid so the spelling is forgiven. A bunyip is a large mythical creature from Aboriginal mythology. It is claimed they live in waterholes) that been watching the bush telly (shortened from the Bush Telegraph. Gossip, spread like wildfire through rural communities) too long. And you are on for that drink. I am quite partial to Hendrick’s Martini’s w/ a twist of lime….olives take up too much room where gin could be! And whisper vermouth over the top like a prayer! (All of this is true. We LOVE martinis. I am partial to olives though. The concept of it taking up too much room is silly unless you fill to the brim. Not saying a word)

Finally, Nick Off Stratford comes in, with her twopennuth:

All the drinks being promised are likely to make someone bang like a dunny door (bathroom door) in the wind (lose control), which will be seriously off like a bucket of prawns in the sun. (something that would be extremely unpleasant)

Phew!

Fantastically yesterday’s post was the best day ever on this blog. I have either hit a nerve or you are all maize, he said, whistling at the sky.

Bugger me dead. I was rapt. This blog was bang on. Normally we have to yarn about Wesley turning me into a hammerhead to get that big a mob.