My personal trainer made a huge joke today. He suggested that I would become one of those people who became obsessed with exercise. Evidently the fact that I was jumping for joy at the apricot sized muscle I’ve developed in my arms {I’ve got guns!!!!) and admiring said apricot in the mirror (couldn’t see it!) meant that one day I would become obsessed with the machines and develop cantaloupe sized biceps like my personal trainer had.
He said this as I was lunging across the car park like a spastic Thunderbird. It was so absurd I had to stop to guffaw, in between heaving for breath. Guffawing while gasping is an art form. If there was a pill that would get rid of this fat I’d overdose on them
Having said that I am secretly chuffed. I broke my personal trainer’s record for his male clients today. Evidently doing 75 kg on the lateral pulldown machine is more than anyone he has trained. Go me. Cantaloupes R Us here we come.
Away For A Bit 
I thought you already HAD a set of cantaloupes! You know, Gareth’s companions?
et tu, Nicola,
Another person on this blog obsessed with my genitalia.
ah well, you’re only human I suppose.
I wouldn’t say obsessed. A passing anthropologic interest.
Justify how you must, nic.
I know obsession when I see it.
as with all of my readers, my genitalia is your daily consideration.
As I say…. You’re only human. You cannot help it.
OoooH Ms Stratford, I thought you were a lady!!!!!
As for you Nigel, yes I say “go you”, especially doing lunges across the car park.I hate lunges and squats with a passion!Hey, how long before you go away?
This Thursday.
I will lunge and squat to Britain
Not sure where you got that idea, Kerrie Anne. I can make statues blush. My nephews and others are always trying to shock and out-gross me; it always ends with their departure to the sounds of ‘Ewwww! Auntie Nic! How could you!’ One of the delights of my life. I’m very tame on here, kiddo.
Well noone else feels the need to curb themsleves, nic, dont know why you do.
Some of the comments have curled my toes….
near the edge and over it…
Oh Miss Nicola! Spoken like a true Sm*rt *rse! (See Steel magnolias for reference)
Ouiser Boudreaux: I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood 40 years!
AND …
Clairee Belcher: [quoting her gay nephew] All gay men have track lightin’. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.
I adore Clairee.
Oh. It’s going to be a quote off.
This will not end well.
Good job, Mr. Schwaranegger!
Obviously Nicola is a gay man at heart, and now I have proof! Not only is she inordinately enamored (Oooo how euphonious!) with your yarbles, but she can quote Steel Magnolias!
I’m in heaven……………………….
We hired two consultants. One was a strong, smart woman with life experience; the other was a young man of Greek heritage, innocent and naive.
The day the woman left our employ, we went out to lunch. She told me a story. Apparently, the young man asked her if she thought I’d once been a man.
Surprised, but wanting to pursue the matter, she asked him what on earth had driven him to wondering that! He said that I had a deep voice, swore a lot and had very strong opinions, so he assumed that I’d had a sex change operation.
All I could say through the laughter was that, if I had had a sex change operation, I’d sure as hell picked myself a good pair of gajungas. I take a Double D cup!
Later that year, at Christmas time, my office door was decorated by the office wags with a beautiful set of glittering balls.
So, you see, you were closer to the mark than you could have imagined!
bwhahahahhah
oh nic….
this explains so much….
About my life, or yours?
do you know, when I wrote that, I was completely flashing to Graham and myself and you as our dear fag hag. So probably a bit of both.
OMG – Nicola – you made me pee……………………………
LEGEND !!!!!!
That is all
Awww cheers buddy
Good someone finally realised.