Another year, another set of failed promises.
I long ago gave up the idea of New Years Resolutions. Two reasons; firstly I never kept them and my psyche was fragile enough without THAT particular guilt trip; secondly, if you need to do something/ change something/ improve something then you should do it now rather than wait for a self-imposed day on the Gregorian and/ or Julian Calendar.
I thought though that if I made my resolutions known to the world, ie on this blog and the six people who read this, then that possibly would keep me more motivated and/ or neurotic. More importantly, it gives me blog posts in the future as to how the progress is going or not. And, as anyone who has done a daily blog knows, topics for blog posts are worth their weight in gold. So it’s all a win.
So with that in mind I, Nigel Vanstone, resolve to:
Not Resolve to lose weight. I resolve to lose weight every fricking year and every fricking year I get larger. I am hoping by not resolving to lose weight I will break the cycle of weight gain. (Also known as: Vanstones, superstitious lot)
I will send my bestest bud a food diary each day. There will be no excuses as to not doing this. ( I may not resolve not to lose weight, doesn’t mean I will sit on my butt about it either)
New years resolutions start on Jan 4 – there is no point starting on Jan 1, you are destined to fail. (see: Vanstones, superstitious lot)
Right, boring ones out the way. Fun bits. I found my diary from 1980 (I know……)which, even then, I was doing resolutions that I wouldn’t complete. I did 21!!!!! I’ve included some of them less hideously embarrassing ones here.
1: Lose weight
Ohmigod!!!!! Even then!!!!!! This has been the curse of my life. Why oh why couldn’t I be one of those people who thinks it’s fun to do a 20 mile run when I am stressed as opposed to comfort eating.
3: Take Tammy for a walk every day
Tammy was our pet dog, a German Shepherd ( German shepherds rock!!!) who, bless her, loved our family despite the fact none of us ever exercised her. I did try this for a few days but, as this was 30 or so years before the Dog Whisperer, I was unable to control her as she would run me through the streets in her search for naughty adventures.
7: Kiss a person. Like that.
I love the way I say “like that” to describe french kissing. It took me about thirty years to be able to call it that without giggling like a schoolgirl and going beet red. As for discussing other things, I am still in therapy for that. Also, note the use of the gender avoidant pronoun. 14-year-old Nigel knew back then ( actually he knew when he was 4 but that’s another blog).
13: Stop buying comics and be more cool
Nope, didn’t do this one either. I worked out that people who didn’t think comics were cool were people I didn’t want to know. Also there was NO WAY I was giving up collecting 2000AD which is the best comic ever. This comic rocks. Also, you know that realisation you get when you realise you will never be cool….
14: Learn all the lyrics to the Abba – Voulez Vous album
This was pretty much my wake up call. I was never going to be cool. The irony of course is that I wrote this immediately after expressing the desire to be cool. I gave up this resolution after learning all the lyrics to When I Kissed The Teacher. No one asks me to sing that. Everyone wants Dancing Queen.
21: Write every day in my diary.
I lasted till February 7th. A personal best.
Evidently I spent much of the Summer at my friend’s Andrew Pearce’s house watching Jaws on his film projector. Then we would listen to the Jaws music score on his parent’s stereo and make the ground vibrate with the duh duh theme music. The Jaws theme tune still makes my feet tingle. Evidently we did that for two whole weeks before we got bored. Never gonna be cool.
Read Full Post »