Posts Tagged ‘Beards’

As part of the stat display, I am given a list of phrases or words that people type in that leads them to this blog. Mostly these phrases or words are self-explanatory (to no-one’s surprise, circumcision is a popular and frequent word) however some of the phrases that lead people here completely baffle me.

Here then is some of the (quite baffling)  terms that brought  people to this silly little thing…

style homogenisation

Well yes. I have loads of style. Now. I found a blue polyester t-shirt the other day. I had pangs of nostalgia…

cartoon man standing still

Truly I have no idea. I certainly mention cartoons and use comics all the time so understand why that would  bring people here. But standing still??? What cartoon character stands still? Sadly I can name three but that’s cos I am a comic geek.

funny map australia floods bloody hot

OK I can understand why people came here. The joke map of Australia was hugely popular. Curiously often when I steal mercilessly from my emails they do better than the rubbish I spout off.

why do australians call english people nigel

Why indeed? My brother named me. Have I told you that story? My parents in a fit of madness asked my then two-year old brother what I would be called. He came up with Nigel and thus I was cursed. I mean seriously, what parents do that? Name a puppy by all means…. They die off after 10 years… I’ve been living with Nigel for 45 years. I was gay before I came out of the womb.


That was really a specific search. That made me smile. Hopefully my beard gave them great joy.

fat women mud therapy

What the hell???? Anyone got any ideas where I mentioned anything remotely associated with that? Cos I’m drawing a blank. Facials? I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned that.

funny kids getting beat up

Again WTF???? Seriously. What did I write that made people come here looking for that???? I am completely flabbergasted. Does anyone remember?

hypochondria Meibomian cancer

It had better well be bloody hypochondria. Did I tell you I can’t see the specialist till June??? And I’ve got private cover. Bloody annoying. I learnt from the long wait to see the neurosurgeon with my brain tumour that there is not point worrying about waiting times however, really??? That’s taking the rhymes with diss. Good to know it’s just not me concerned with it though. Misery loves company and all…..

pronouncing macrame

Oh that made me laugh.It’s not just us that struggles with it. Well I don’t struggle at all. I know exactly.

It’s pronounced Mah Crah May. Live with it.


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Tales Of My Beard…. Belt

As you know I am on a weight loss push. Normally I  my don’t cut my beard and hair until I’ve lost 10 kgs. (That has started again, by the way. This has a dual effect of motivating me and drives JW to distraction which motivates me further… as he whinges.  A lot.)

However today is not about beards. The title should have had a strike through effect but I couldn’t get it to work in the heading. No, today revisits the belt. I put on a pair of trousers for the first time since buying them in November. And when I bought them this belt was tight.

And no, I’m not holding my breath. I’m still fat as but clearly a bit less. This is at the belt notch from November.

I was pleasantly pleased



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Tales of My Beard

As you may recall I am on a weight loss bender. As you also may recall I am not cutting my hair or beard till I have lost ten kilograms. Initially I was all about my personal trainer, who weighs me fortnightly, not telling me what weight I have lost however I soon discovered my personal trainer has the poker face of a kindergarten student and it is incredibly easy to tell when I am doing well and when I am not.

And so the last few weeks have been painful to be weighed. I have lost 200 gm in the last two weeks. The first week that, last week stopped still. And it is not for lack of trying let me assure you. I am exercising like a bitch.  And despite him promising not to tell me how much I have lost it is easy to pummel his muscle toned body until he relents. Note to self: muscle does not equal strength. 

It is sort of disheartening. I will keep going though. Normally when I work really hard and don’t lose weight I say F… it and go on a chocolate bender. This time, I’m not going to let it get me down. I’m playing the long game.

So, in the mean time, the beard grows and grows. 

Impressive, no?! Yes, it is thick enough to hold the comb on its own. Its getting to the stage where I am going to be able  to smuggle drugs in it. I have often considered becoming a drug lord.

Speaking of, did you read this? I may have to reconsider Wesley’s kind offer to circumcise me. That whole opportunity of drug smuggling would be a shame to miss. Clearly drug lords need to be intact. I’d make a great drug lord. No one would suspect the guy who looks like a teddy bear.

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