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Posts Tagged ‘US Airways’

De-Caterpillared

Apologies for the lack of chronology. I am playing catch up. This occurred last Sunday the 8th:

So how do you get from this:

To this?

You have this man (and yes, that is the genuine look of disgust on his face, which still cracks me up) take matters into his own hands.

All the while telling me off for looking like crap. Which just made it more entertaining.

After being shorn like a sheep, I headed to Baltimore to catch up with Ray.  After being burned by American Airlines before I now pay the extra to fly first class. This sounds grander than it is. It means a wider seat and more leg room which is wonderful. In terms of refreshments I got a packet of pretzels. The reason I do this though, and it turned out to be money well spent, is that more often than not, American Airlines are always late. As was the case this time. We did not depart until seventy minutes after schedule. And that’s when the extra leg room kicks in.

Money. Well. Spent.

The man sitting next to me was reading a book: “The Theology of Christianity” and he was asleep for most of the time we were waiting on the tarmac. When he woke up and realised we were still on the ground, the expletives flew. “Oh you gotta be f***ing kidding me!!!!!! What type of f***ed up c*** airline is this????? You f**king people couldn’t f***ing fly sh*t!!!!!! What c*** organised this sh*t????”

I pretended to sleep through his tantrum.

The Theology of Christianity, people. Look it up. It’s got the best words in it!

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OK time to catch up. Sorry for the eclectic and chronologically challenged series of posts that you are about to endure. I wanted to finish off the holiday posts ( I have about fifteen) of events I did while I was away. Forgive the scattiness; it’s time to play catch up.

After a brief sojourn in  Disney I caught the Red Eye to Charlotte. The trip is 4 and half hours there (5 and a half going back) and I foolishly figured no one would be on the plane. Wrong. The flight was full, full, full.  I couldn’t work out why anyone would want to catch such a late flight until I returned. Sleeping through it is the only way to make it tolerable ( unless you’re not in cattle class).  Having said that I scored some major wins. Firstly, I was sat at the front of the plane on the bulkhead so more leg room and, secondly, I was sat next to the smallest lady in the world. She was so small it was as though there was no-one sitting next to me. Brilliant.

US airlines make you pay to carry luggage so, as a consequence, everyone brings on (very full) carry-on luggage (which does not incur a fee.). I have not been on a flight in the US yet that hasn’t had delays caused by there not being enough room for the overhead luggage. Seriously. It is insanely annoying. The idea being that, if there is not enough room for your carry-on luggage, they will store it underneath for you without charge. As such,  everyone does this. Consequently flights never leave on time as they are always sorting out the fricking luggage. It seems a false economy to me. And US flights are always full. Always. And cramped.

What is fascinating is that you are allowed to bring your pets on board (ie in the cabin) as long as they are small enough to fit under the seat. A person had brought their dog on board (and seriously, the dog was fine. I didn’t even realise he was there) and the lady who would sit next to it was having a major hissy fit that she was allergic and couldn’t sit there. (Now bear in mind I had no idea dogs were allowed on board and thought she was referring to the passenger. I was amazed at her brassiness.) She was dressed in a poncho and had bling galore and (bless her) was a Give me a P, Give me a D of epic proportions. It was her drama and she was going to star in it. People around her offered to swap seats with her however, no, she was having this seat and nothing else. It was brilliant. She was screaming her head off and the entire plane had stopped talking and were holding their breath so as not to miss the next moment of the drama. Bloody genius!

In the end, they kicked her off the plane. I was expecting complete drama but, sadly for the blog, she went as meek as a lamb. The plane took off  late and arrived on time, thanks to some lucky wind. When I got to Charlotte I nipped into the toilet prior to meeting Wesley and Trey and got dressed into my suit. Thus, after a 4 and half hour red-eye with everyone looking like they had been dragged through the bush backwards, I arrived to the boys looking like a million dollars.You should have seen their faces.  Criticise my dress sense, you bastards…. That’ll learn ya.

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