Search Me – The Readers Have Spoken

As part of the stat display, I am given a list of phrases or words that people type in that leads them to this blog. Mostly these phrases or words are self-explanatory (to no-one’s surprise, circumcision is a popular and frequent word) however some of the phrases that lead people here completely baffle me.

Here then is some of the (quite baffling)  terms that brought  people to this silly little thing…

style homogenisation

Well yes. I have loads of style. Now. I found a blue polyester t-shirt the other day. I had pangs of nostalgia…

cartoon man standing still

Truly I have no idea. I certainly mention cartoons and use comics all the time so understand why that would  bring people here. But standing still??? What cartoon character stands still? Sadly I can name three but that’s cos I am a comic geek.

funny map australia floods bloody hot

OK I can understand why people came here. The joke map of Australia was hugely popular. Curiously often when I steal mercilessly from my emails they do better than the rubbish I spout off.

why do australians call english people nigel

Why indeed? My brother named me. Have I told you that story? My parents in a fit of madness asked my then two-year old brother what I would be called. He came up with Nigel and thus I was cursed. I mean seriously, what parents do that? Name a puppy by all means…. They die off after 10 years… I’ve been living with Nigel for 45 years. I was gay before I came out of the womb.

https://awayforabit.wordpress.com/2011/01/30/tales-of-my-beard/

That was really a specific search. That made me smile. Hopefully my beard gave them great joy.

fat women mud therapy

What the hell???? Anyone got any ideas where I mentioned anything remotely associated with that? Cos I’m drawing a blank. Facials? I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned that.

funny kids getting beat up

Again WTF???? Seriously. What did I write that made people come here looking for that???? I am completely flabbergasted. Does anyone remember?

hypochondria Meibomian cancer

It had better well be bloody hypochondria. Did I tell you I can’t see the specialist till June??? And I’ve got private cover. Bloody annoying. I learnt from the long wait to see the neurosurgeon with my brain tumour that there is not point worrying about waiting times however, really??? That’s taking the rhymes with diss. Good to know it’s just not me concerned with it though. Misery loves company and all…..

pronouncing macrame

Oh that made me laugh.It’s not just us that struggles with it. Well I don’t struggle at all. I know exactly.

It’s pronounced Mah Crah May. Live with it.

Read Full Post »

Welcome to Nigel’s Life

This  thought struck me as I wrote in this blog post: A nice idea for a future blog entry.  Pessimism and optimism about the things on which I can rely in this increasingly stupid and impermanent world. Essentially  a blog about how if it can go wrong, it’s gonna. Welcome to my world.

In no particular order;  some truisms I have discovered in 45 years of being here (This is the tip of a self indulgent iceberg… hehe)

No matter where I park cars bigger than mine (normally some type of 4 wheel drive required to manoeuvre the speed bumps at shopping centres) will park either side of me, forcing me to reverse out of a car park blindly and expecting to crash into cars I cannot see.

I know that if I were to buy a 4 wheel drive myself, then Mac Trucks would  then park either side of me.

A block of chocolate may only weigh 45 grams and yet consuming it will put on a kilogram of weight.

Life is not fair nor is it meant to be. This does not help when it sucks though.

Lies make baby Jesus cry.

The best parents don’t always get to have children. Similarly, the best partners don’t always get to be loved.

No matter where you sit in a cinema, someone will come and sit behind you and rustle their sweet packet and/ or talk throughout the movie.

When you ask them to be quiet in a otheriwse silent move house, they will look at you as though you are completely insane and you’ve got the problem.

There is an exponential curve between the loudness of these people and the inaneness of their comments.

Some people need to talk to remind themselves to breathe.

I will never be intimidating. I am as intimidating as a teddy bear.

Mostly.

Read Full Post »